We planned on renewing our vows in the Philippines together with our family and best of friends for our 1st, however, Covid hit and we need to postpone. It was heartbreaking (after months of preparation), but when everything seemed lost, still we found comfort and hope in the Lord. We just went with the flow and let the Lord handle it. After all, nobody wanted this to happen and this happens for a reason.
This date last year, God answered my prayer to be married to someone who has the same core values, beliefs, and same passion for living life with a purpose of honoring and serving God our Lord and Savior. Although this year was filled with a lot of joy, it was also really tough. You’ve lost your job, a pandemic happens, 3 months I’m on a no work no pay status in my company. But we got through it by God’s grace.
I truly believe that we ended up together because God knew that we could do this. He placed these challenges in our lives to watch us dominate them. He tested us this year to give us a taste of what may be in store for us. He knew what we were capable before we even knew we could do it. Indeed, God is faithful and will forever be.
And what I know from this year…this wonderful, chaotic, emotional year…is that you are the only person I want to spend the rest of my life with. You are the only person I want to come home to and wrap my arms around. The only person I want to be my tank when I am a marksman, and I will be your support when you are a fighter (talking about Mobile Legends game. HAHA). I love you more and more everyday and I am so proud to be your wife.
I’m not sure how long we’ll be considered as newlyweds. A subjective label it is. The big question is, “When do you stop being newlyweds?” Kapag ba na hit mo na yung year mark? Kapag may baby na kayo? Is it when you always do twinning clothes and don’t care anymore what people will say? Or is it when your partner’s fart registered in your sense of smell? I’m not sure.
For now, let’s focus that I’m still a newlywed. Two common questions I got asked; first “how’s married life?”, second “when are you guys having a baby?”. It’s funny because I don’t know how am I supposed to answer these questions other than “Great, I’ve learned a lot” and “Oh, about the baby? We’re still praying and waiting for God”. How to answer these questions that will be socially acceptable? It is like asking a mom holding her baby if she likes her kid or not. Any other answer besides “yes” will be awkward at best.
But behind the well-meaning questions are the desire to congratulate me for the new season of my life and a sense of intrigue, whether this marriage will last or will end soon. In reality, we are living in a world where ‘marriage’ has so many bad connotations. Divorce, painful, breakable, affairs, frustrations, unhappiness and irreconcilable differences. When someone is happily married, society has taught us to just give it time. Someone will fall out of love. People will say “walang forever”, “sa una lang yan sweet”, “magloloko din yan”, and some other negative thinking. And when we meet a couple who has been married for quite some time and they are still happily in love, we are so amazed. #couplegoals #howtobeyoupo #sanaall
We all grew up in a home where we saw marriage, or the absence of it, up-close. And our experience, both good and bad, framed our perspective on marriage. And if we’ve experienced the heartbreak, it fuels down the idea of a happily ever after. #walatalagangforever
So today, I want to share some of my insight about my “happily ever after”. It’s the beginning of my covenant with my husband, by God’s grace, will be until eternity. May these will bring hope to everyone that “marriage can be messy, but it can be the best story you could ever have through the grace of God”. (Psalm 30:11 and Ecclesiastes 3:11) My prayer is that for all singles, and marrieds alike that you will discover more hope, peace, contentment, and above all more love through this blog. (Disclaimer: hindi po ako expert, just sharing what I’ve learned through this journey).
So ito na, ready na ba kayo? Here are recent newlywed findings:
Jesus above all else.
My husband always says “Nay, in this journey, remember it is me, you and God”. A strong marriage is built with a strong foundation, which is God. Having God at the center of your marriage will give you the assurance that it will last. No matter what the hills and valleys that will come along, both of you can overcome it and be victorious through God’s power that working in your life. When two people come together with the same beliefs and core values, regardless of individual differences, you both desire the same goal. To stay focus in your commitment to endure, in other word to keep your covenant.
2. Men value respect and women value love.
“So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” – Ephesians 5:33 (NLT)
The crazy cycle, “Without love, she reacts without respect; and without respect, he reacts without love”. Yes, that is true. The number one need of a man is RESPECT, not love. If we respect them more, the more na mas magiging loving sila. If they felt disrespected, less love yung ibibigay nila. And the cycle go on.
His love motivates her respect; her respect motivates his love.
“Unconditional respect does not mean you give a person license. It means there is nothing you can do to make me hate you. I am not going to become something ugly because you are ugly. – Dr. Emerson Eggrichs.
C-O-U-P-L-E: How to Spell Love to Your Wife
Closeness: She wants you to be close. Openness: She wants you to open up to her. Understanding: Don’t try to fix her; just listen. Peacemaking: She wants you to say, “I’m sorry.” Loyalty: She needs to know you’re committed. Esteem: She wants you to honor and cherish her.
C-H-A-I-R-S: How to Spell Respect to Your Husband
Conquest: Appreciate his desire to work and achieve. Hierarchy: Appreciate his desire to protect and provide. Authority: Appreciate his desire to serve and to lead. Insight: Appreciate his desire to analyze and counsel. Relationship: Appreciate his desire for shoulder-to-shoulder friendship. Sexuality: Appreciate his desire for sexual intimacy.
House Rule: Correct in private, praise in Public..
Reference: “Love & Respect” book by Dr. Emerson Eggrichs.
Vlog: Richard & Maricar Poon
3. Know your partner’s love language.
The most common issue in any relationship is the communication barrier. Even-though you love each other, sometimes it feel like you’re not on the same page. It’s better to know your partner’s love language. Why? So that you both can easily identify the root of the conflict, and can give and receive love in more meaningful ways. Here are the five love languages:
Words of affirmation (Showing love through language and affirmation. This doesn’t just mean compliments. It can be-i love you, can’t wait to see you, hope you’re having a great day, etc)
Acts of service (Expressing love by doing something for someone.)
Receiving gifts (Showing love through things. This doesn’t mean you’re materialistic. It can be little things, such as small flowers, etc.)
Quality time (Showing love by giving someone your full attention, not just making an effort to spend time.)
Physical Touch (Showing you love someone by physically touching them.)
I grew up with the care of my grandma as both my parents are working abroad. So, since in a very young age, I know how to live life independently. I want to do things on my own. Living alone, having my own schedule, and making my own plans. (You can ask my mom, if you need confirmation. HAHA) But, when I got engaged I knew in my heart everything will soon change. I was now making plans with someone else, about to live with someone else, and would be creating a life with someone else. Kung ano ang gingawa ko nung single pa ako, hindi ko siya pweding iapply sa marriage life ko. Example: Staying up late, as in pa morningan.
–Psalm 45:10-11 TPT
So, I said goodbye to thinking like a single lady. I’m learning to put the needs of my marriage, and put my priorities in order. First: God. Second: My husband.
There’s a lot more things I’ve learned in my new season, but I think these four are the major of those. Hope it helps, and I pray that everyone will choose love everyday.
I know the situation we are in right now is not typical, ‘cause break ups are suppose to be messy (based on the standard of this world); full of pain, suffering, bitterness, revenge, sadness, etc. But because of God’s grace and redirection, we both understood that “the core values and beliefs of one person is not open for adjusting to a relationship”. I will be forever grateful for the way things turned out between us. We can both say, “it ended well”.
We both valued our friendship more than anything. After all, we started as friends before we became lovers. People for sure will question our friendship, because it is not common for ex-lovers to be friends. Maybe people will ask, “Didn’t you guys used to date, how are you still friends?” and my answer to that is because of love. Love is not only about romantic relationships, there is a lot more. Love is liberating. It provides sense of belongingness and freedom. Like what we did, we freed each other knowing that this is best for both of us. We didn’t try to manipulate each other just to make our relationship work.
Also, I have discovered that if I will try to make people do what I want them to do closes the door for God to speak to their hearts. I need to release you, even if it hurts. I need to accept the reality that we are not meant to be a lover but as a friend. And I chose not to hold on because it will delay the greatest vision of God set for you. Even though you already set your mind that you will never be able to convince yourself to believe in God, I will still hold on to God’s word. He loves you and He will not let you go. In His way, in His time, you will be able to encounter His great love and accept Him as your Lord and Savior.
You know me very well. You know my passion and desire. I will never forget what you have said to me “You deserve someone who has same passion, same beliefs, someone who can give you a Christ-centered relationship.”
Thank you for still being my friend, travel buddy, my walking dictionary (pakicorrect nalang yung mga mali ko dito), geeky buddy, photographer and my encourager. And as I’ve said before, I’m still here for you. You can still call me whenever you need someone to listen to your corny jokes, creepy stories, plans in life, and whatever you are going through. You are always included in my prayers. I will never get tired of reminding you of how precious you are in the eyes of God. I know we still have our rough patches, but I know we will continue to work out whatever bumps we go through.
I know many things will change now, but it is the beginning of the amazing memories we are going to make without the pressure of being in a relationship.
I have so many things to thank you for. You showed me what true love is and what a true friend is. Thank you for being genuine. And most importantly, thank you for letting me understand your decision to end things in the most mature way we could’ve possibly handled it.
As much as I appreciate and thank you for all the good memories, I also want to apologize for all hurt and pain this relationship has brought to you. I hope you will always remember that you are loved and forgiven in everything.
May all of you dreams come true and every desire of your heart be granted according to His perfect plan. I know better things are yet to come.
Take your stand, speak up, and do not let the situation bring you down. In this life, some people will disrespect us and treat us poorly with no apparent reason. Don’t let the urge to win their approval or please them consume you. Just be true to yourself, bless them, and ask God for discernment. You don’t have any control what others will think or do to you, but you have control over how you respond to them.
Life centered with God is lived with wisdom. So through God’s given wisdom you will be strong enough to know when enough is enough.
I’ve learned a lot of things this week and I wanted to share with you some of the truths I’ve come to accept. The most important one, though, has been the realization that you can’t please everyone.
It’s literally impossible to keep everyone pleased. Some people simply can’t be pleased no matter what you do. They won’t be pleased because they just don’t like you. They may not even have a specific reason they can pinpoint.
Everyday we may face someone who is an EGR (extra grace required). They say, “I try and try to make peace with this person, but I fail and I feel so guilty.” Yung mapapaisip ka na lang “may nagawa ba akong mali?” “bakit sobrang pinapakita niya na ayaw niya sakin?” “ano kaya ang dahilan?”. The fact is, it may not be your fault. It may be that the one you’re trying to make peace with has personal reasons not readily apparent or they are not ready to explain at present.
Be the best version of yourself and do not try to change who you are just to please them. Bless them, encourage them, be nice to them, respect them, and be thankful for them. Sabi nga kapag binato ka ng bato, batuhin mo ng tinapay. Just do whatever is pleasing to the eyes of God, and He will give you peace.
You need to be secure with the love of Christ before you can truly love someone.
ONE HAS TO WAIT, but waiting entails a lot of struggles. Some who have waited for some time had suddenly swerved when the rubber met the road. It could be influenced by a number of things so here are list of the factors that keep us from waiting:
1. Time and Trust – Time is telling you you’re growing older and pressures from other people have come up to your neck already. Well, you’re not alone. There are a number of us and the best way to handle that is to stop counting down time until your partner comes. Let’s start counting on God instead. It’s basically a trust issue. Can you trust that the God who willingly gave His one and only Son, can also give you a man for you to partner for life? You’ve waited this long, why compromise now? God can and will provide at the right time.
Take note! Right time! So when do you know it’s time? Does it come with age? Let me share what I learned from a well-respected man. The moment you’re willing to be single for God is actually the very moment when God gives you your partner because it just simply means that you’ve already reached that height of satisfaction in Him and are now ready to go to the next level.
As the saying goes, “If you can’t be happy alone, you can’t be happy with someone”. There’s always a proper time for every matter.
“Whoever obeys his command will come to no harm, and the wise heart will know the proper time and procedure” – Ecclesiastes 8:5
2. Emotions – “You don’t understand. I love him.”
Are you sure? Are you sure it’s love?! Or lust? Can you distinguish? Love is patient. Lust wants now. Love is gentle. Lust gets its way harshly. Love does not envy. Lust is filled with insecurity. Love does not boast. Lust compares. And the list goes on…
“You don’t understand because you’ve never really experienced it.”
I often hear this kind of reasoning. You know what?! If I wanted to sound sarcastic, I would say “You don’t need to stab yourself with a knife in order for you to know it can kill you.”
Wisdom comes from God. You “may” probably learn from experience but you need not be the victim.
3. Lack of vision and conviction – Most of the time, Christians are not exactly convinced about why they can’t “partner” with someone who doesn’t share the same belief as them because they themselves don’t exactly value their Christianity. Being a Christian simply means that you’re a follower of Jesus and if that person isn’t, how can the two of you walk together?
Some would argue that we’re being legalistic and would ask “Where is grace in the picture?”.
Grace is there to enable you to say NO and it’s never a legalistic act to have the discipline to say NO to things that would endanger you later on.
You are everything God created you to be and you are perfect for me. I am so in love with your heart for God and your heart for people. I want to serve the Lord by your side faithfully all of my days. When you feel like everything you’re giving just isn’t enough, remember God desires to be your source of strength. When you are weak, He is strong. You have been given everything you need to accomplish the challenges set before you. God is going to use you to change the world.
When you are sad, remember it’s okay to be sad; it’s okay to cry. One day, there will be no more tears – so cry now and hope for the future. I am here to share in your sadness and grief as well as in your joy and success.
When you are lonely, remember I am your biggest fan. I will always be here for you. I will support you no matter what, because that is what God has called me to do. When God made you, He didn’t make any mistakes. He made you with a purpose and a destiny, and He made you to be my husband. Your love is such a strong manifestation of Christ’s love. It’s irresistible.
Thank you for loving God.
Thank you for serving others.
Thank you for taking care of me.
Thank you for being strong for both of us.
Thank you for being humble.
Thank you for trusting that God’s plan is better than ours.
Thank you for learning and growing.
Thank you for laying down your desires to honor the Lord.
Thank you for dying to yourself that Christ might live through you.
Thank you for speaking the truth.
You are the love of my life and I will stand by your side during the battles we will encounter. I will take care of you when you’re sick. I will hold your hand when you are scared. I will bind up your wounds when you are hurting. I will pray for you always.
I will love you with all I have in me until my dying day.
Was Single and Satisfied (Now Happily Married) 